Coffee date and In-Betweens

It’s a busy Friday morning at our local coffee shop. Jaima invited me to sit with her and work. I don’t want to do my college homework, and writing called me back to this space. I have a delicious slice of strawberry rhubarb pie and my favorite caramel macchiato with whole milk to sip on.

I’m currently caught in a state of in-between. The school year is almost over and technically I should be a fully licensed teacher by now. Some obstacles prevented this, and I found out late yesterday that I won’t be graduating until Spring of 2027. Two whole years from now. I’m 52, people. 52. My classes are pretty easy, and I continue to get straight A’s without much effort. It’s stuff I already know. Pedagogy. Children’s mental health. Lesson planning. And I confess I am frustrated. To my core.

Do I continue on? Do I trust God with His perfect plans for me? Do I take the money I intend to spend and borrow for classes and invest it in the Kingdom?

Do I simply continue to substitute teach? I mean, it pays well enough, and there are always long-term openings that pop up.

Have we trials and temptations?
  Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged,
  Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
  Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness,
  Take it to the Lord in prayer.

I am currently doing this Bible study from Walking With Purpose.

It has completely captured my heart. Reconnecting with God and seeing myself as He sees me. Confessing my sins, guilt, and shame. Rejecting the condemning voice of Satan. Listening for the conviction of the Holy Spirit. She says that Satan whispers in my ear because he is outside of me. The Holy Spirit of God indwells me. Always with me. Never leaves me. Empowers me. This journey has not been easy, Jesus said that following Him would be difficult. But I tell you - it is worth every.single.step.

Many of you may be surprised that I am currently attending a Catholic Church. The Mass is a beautiful thing. Simply breath-taking. It is quiet and ancient. Peaceful and peace-filled. I can attend Mass and come away with reflection and connection. Mass is about Jesus and the Eucharist. Nothing else. And, I have longed for that my entire life. Just give me Jesus.

Sure you may have questions - don’t they worship Mary? Do they really believe that Christ indwells the Eucharist? What about all of those saints? And what about the Pope?

I am currently on a journey to discover the original Church. The people of Acts who gathered in community. encouraged one another, and celebrated the life, death, resurrection and remembrance of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Pure and holy. Nothing added and nothing taken away.

So, yes, I’m in-between a lot of things right now. And this pie is heavenly (don’t tell my Mama but it is a close second to hers.) I pray. I wait. I take a sip of coffee and look at my beautiful daughter. She has my whole heart. And sometimes I think it’s better to stop thinking about the doubts and worries and in-betweens and embrace the moments.

What a friend we have in Jesus,

xoxo

Carolyn